I'll Be Fine *Not*

Yeah,

I Just Watched An Episode Of Vampire Diaries

And It's So Sad,

Damon,

The Bad Ass Nice Guy,

Loves Katherine, This Foxy Vampire,

But She Doesn't Love Him Back, She Loves Stefan,

So He Gets Depressed And Upset,

And He Tries Stuff Out With Elena, Human Look Alike Of Katherine

And She Says She Loves Stefan.

I Mean,

Two Heartbreaks In One Night,

A Man Can Only Take So Much.

But I Mean,

I Admire Him,

He Always Acts Cool,

He Acts As If Nothing Phases Him,

Nothing Hurts Him,

And He Just Goes On Living Life,

People Hate Him,

He Doesn't Give A Shit.

I Mean,

On One Hand,

You Can Really Do Whatever You Want,

On The Other,

You Can't Hold On To Anyone

And That's Not Very Fun Sometimes,

Sometimes You Just Need To Be Loved,

To Feel Loved.

It's Frustrating Sometimes,

Going Home,

Knowing There's Nothing To Look Forward To But Going Out The Next Day,

Knowing There's No One At Home Waiting For You,

Wanting You.

The World Is Not A Nice Place,

It's Only Nice If You Make It.

Lets Relapse And I'll Be Your Only Regret

Some Times I Look At Myself,

Think Of Everything I Ever Did,

Everyone I've Ever Dissapointed

And

I Just Feel Like Crying

But I Just Can't

I Mean

I Feel Sad And Torned Up Inside,

My Throat Chokes Up And My Nose Feels Weird,

My Eyes Water,

And Then,

That's Just It,

No Tears.

Do You Know How Bad That Feels?

The Worst Part Is,

No One Gets Me,

And I Can't Tell Anyone,

Cause One Way Or Another They Just Drift Away,

It Could Be Family Or Even Just Friends,

But They Drift,

And It's Always My Fault,

Cause I Constantly Go Agaisnt What I Say,

Time And Time Again.

I Realise I Hurt People But My Conscience Is Just So Worn Out He Doesn't Even Care Until It's Too Late.

I Try To Be A Good Son,

But I Fail Miserably,

I Dissapoint My Mom Cause Nothing I Do Is Ever Good Enough.

I Try To Be A Good Brother,

I Try My Best But I'm Just An Asshole Most Of The Time.

I Don't Even Have The Guts To Apologize For All This Bullshit.

I Try To Be A Good Friend,

I Hear My Friends Out,

Then I Get Too Close And When I Actually Start To Feel Stuff,

I End Up Doing Something Stupid To Push Them Away.

I Hate My Life Cause I'm Sebastian Pettersson.

I'm Just Never Good Enough.

I'll Go About Pretending I'm Happy,

Putting On My Perfect Smile,

Just For Sakes

But It Kills Me Inside.

Everyday I Long For This Pain To Atleast Slowly Fade But It Doesn't.

I Go To Bed Everything Just Praying I Don't Wake Up And Have To Go Through This Nightmare.

I'll Be Fine.

I Will Burn Myself If I Had A Blowtorch

I'm So Pissed Right Now,

With My Brother And Just At Life Mainly.

I Just Want To Scream,

And Just Break Something,

And Just Scream Until My Stupid Lungs Give Out.

I Swear To God,

Why?

How Could Does Be Fair,

I Feel Like Burning Myself,

You Know,

But I Can't,

Cause That Would Just Mean,

I'm Afraid,

And I'm Not,

I'm A Bastard.

I Need To Drink.

And Scream.

I Want To Get High.

I Miss Bondy And Sparky And Fish.

I'm Just So Pissed,
And I Snap So Easily,

I Swear,

I Need To Manage My Stupid Anger.

French Toast For Breakfast

I'm Listening To Kings And Queens-Thirty Seconds To Mars

It's Nice How Its Just Playing,

You Know.

I'm Getting Really Frustrated,

It's Really Not Fun When You Have To Consider Others,

I'm Getting Slightly Pissed Off,

I Mean,

Its Really Not Fair

Then Again,

Life Isn't Fair,

But Don't I Atleast You Know,

Get A Shot?

I Swear To God.

Dark Days

I Just Want To Get High,

I Just Feel Like It.

I've Been Listening To Lots Of Kid Cudi And This Guy Is Just,

He's Just Cool.

I Mean,

Go Ahead, Listen To Him,

It's Just Like Magic,

It Makes You Want To Smoke Weed,

And His Lyrics Are Just,

You Know,

Profound.

I Guess,

I Don't Know.

I'm Shaking,

Don't Know Why.

And,

It's Sad,

My Friend,

Our Friend,

He Is Going,

And He Is Just So Cool,

I Haven't Known Him Long But He Is Just So Cool,

I'm Going To Miss Him.

I Miss Bondy,

And My Mom,

And Sparky.

I Really Want To Get High,

See What It Feels Like,

Enjoy That Moment,

When Nothing Else Matters,

And Everything Is Just Perfect, Even If Its For A Second,

Then,

I Want To Get Into A Fight,

Get Hit.

Then I Would,

Go Back To My House,

And Lie My Head Down On My Pillow,

With A Smile On My Face,

Thinking To Myself,

"You're Awesome"

And Slowly Fall Asleep,

And Fall Into A World Of Dream.

Her Heart Is Breaking In Front Of Me

It's Been A While Since We Talked Bout The Boy,

Well,

The Boy Has Been Getting On Pretty Good I Would Say,

He Has Moved On To Another Chapter Of His Life,

He Is Trying To Live.

So Far He's Been Getting Along Just Fine,

Until About Recently,

The Water Started To Get A Little Murky,

True Colours Were Being Shown,

And The Boy Was Really Confused,
On One Hand,

He Doesn't Want Anything To Change,

On The Other,

He Wants So Badly For Things To Do.

He Gets Thrown A Little Off Balance With The Occasional Madness Here And There But He Stands Up Ok,

The Boy Doesn't Want To Get Involved,

He Wants To Live Free,

But He Can't Help It,

He Would Feel So At Peace If It Could Be Considered

The Plot Thickens,

Things Start To Happen,

People Start To Get Hurt,

Lies Are Being Blatantly Told,

The Boy Is In A Position Where He Should Be Someones Shoulder,

Someones Rock,

He Doesn't Know If Thats What He Did,

He Isn't Sure If He Followed His Heart Or His Head,

Either Way,

He Didn't Consider Anyone Else,

He Was Being Somewhat Selfish,

The Boy Figured,

Why Not,

He Regrets It Though,

The Guilt Starts To Pour In,

He Keeps It In,

Just As He Always Had.

The Night Ends

One Word Frees Us All Of Weight And Pain Of Life; That Word Is Love

I've been so sad lately,

I really have no clue what it is.

I mean,

I'm always so sad and it's depressing not knowing what it is and having to deal with it,

I feel like I don't have a reason to live anymore,

I mean,

What am I doing?

I'm doing OK in school,

But what am I doing?

I'm fooling around

I'm acting like a bastard,

This is just not me,

I honestly think,

Subconsiously,

I'm afraid to open whats left of my God forsaken to anyone

And by doing so,

I'm not letting any happyness in

I could be wrong,

I usually am.

I could also be sad because,

My mom is not talking to me,

The closest person I have to me won't spend a few minutes to let me know it's OK

I pretend like I'm cool

But I miss her,

I do,

Or I could be sad because,

I lost my friends,

Two best friends of mine,

Two best friends I could talk to,

Who didn't really give a shit bout who I was rather, accept me for who I am

Friends who would cancel plans just to hear bout my day.

Or I'm not sad,

I just pretend to be sad because I don't want to be happy.

Maybe,

I just need to be shown some love,

Some genuine love,

A hug which doesn't feel empty,

A conversation which brings my spirit up.

I shouldn't feel like this,

I'm Sebastian Pettersson,

Nothing brings me down,

Accept maybe nothing,

I'm merely human,

I bleed,

I hurt.